Updated: Oct 10, 2020
The last few days, I’ve been working really hard to make some shifts in my business, get clear on my branding and offerings, and do a lot more writing, blah blah blah. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about right now because...well, who cares about that other than me, right? 😂
I’m writing this because I’ve been feeling like a “bad mom” during all of that. I haven’t been as present and engaged with my son as I’d usually like to be.
My husband has been watching him most of the day, so I haven’t been running and chasing him around the house or sitting on the floor and playing with his cars and trucks and trains as much as I usually would.
But then there was this moment that took me out of my own ego and made me laugh with a sigh of relief.
Our son was playing in his room, while I was across the hall and my husband was checking something in the room next to his for a moment.
I was preoccupied with wondering whether I ought to rush in there for the brief seconds he was alone because a) he climbs everything in sight, and b) I was feeling so bad that no one was playing with him.
Then suddenly I heard his closet doors rumble open and his tiny, perfect voice call out, “I’m so happyyyy!”
Even as I type this, I’m fighting tears.
While he has said short phrases before, like, “I’m coming!” or asked questions like, “What happened?” this was the first statement I’ve ever heard him say that gave me insight into his internal, emotional experience in his two years of life.
Within moments, I decided I just had to see what he was so happy about. As I approached his room, my husband was already getting down from the closet a heavy, blue wooden owl I love that he has taken quite a liking to. He carried it out to the living room to play with it on the rug, and my heart was a puddle on the floor.
He was happy. My son was happy.
And I say all that to share that this was a reminder to me that, ”You’re probably doing better than you think you are.”
We all are.
It’s all too easy to beat ourselves up and think of all that we’re not doing that we “could” or “should” be doing. And while those little inklings may sometimes be telling us something valid, sometimes they’re nothing more than unnecessary guilt we’re carrying around.
We can do things like do work we love and also connect with and be there for the people we love. And each reinforces the other. It’s a reciprocal relationship. It’s a dance. Sometimes it’s even a wild ride.
Basically, it’s life.
And life has been especially hard on all of us this year in so many ways that it’s becoming increasingly important to notice the highs, as simple as they may be.
My son found one, which helped me find one, too.
And all I can think as I reflect on that pivotal life moment of hearing my son’s pure joy over a knickknack I bought from Home Goods on a whim years ago is, “I’m so happy.”
What has been your “wooden owl” moment? What simple thing or moment have you found joy in recently?